A Great Weekend

What a great weekend! Brad and I were able to attend his cousin's wedding. The girls headed to my parents place for the night so we wouldn't have to worry about babysitters driving home late and then us being able to stay out as late as we wanted.

The wedding was a little bit different. Every wedding I have been at has always been a dutch CRC wedding...the structure of the whole day is always the same. This one was very different. It started at 5pm at the Banquet Hall. The reception began right after it. There was no music until the brides maids came down...no ushers, no unity candle...I don't even think it was a minister that married them but just an officiator...What i realized though is something that I kind of took for granted. The wedding ceremony had no mention of God. All the weddings I go to have that foundation. As nice as the wedding was, it kind of felt empty...no hope. Knowing that we have God part of our marriage gives us a foundation and something we can build our marriage on and a true example of what marriage is. I feel so blessed to have this.

It was such great time being at the table with his cousins and Wendy & Chris.. Our table was labled as the "Present Table". The table to my left was filled with all the young cousins in thier teens and early 20s. Our table was filled with 30something adults with kids under the age of 13. But my right was the table filled with all the parents...or what we labled "our future". Having a night with family, great food, great conversation. We laughed a lot and enjoyed each others company.

I love my life, my husband, my family, Brad's family and everything God has blessed me with.

Daily Struggles

As I sit down this afternoon to blog I realize that today has been a pretty good day. But in the last week things seem to be clouding my mind and covering the things I can be thankful for. Trying to figure sort through all my thoughts and make sense of them sometimes can be overwhelming. But here they are as best as I can describe them.

1)My weight...I know, have and always will struggled with this issue. 75% of the time is really dosen't bother me and I don't think of it.I joined WW and have stuck to it this time and am very happy with the results. But on those bad days...I am so ready to throw the towel in and head to the Bulk Barn and buy everything sweet and sit in my room and indulge. I hate having to watch my wieght. This isn't fun or even fair. Do I want to be skinny? No not really. I don't think I will ever be but I do want to be healthy. I am not trying to reach that "skinny" wieght but I just want to reach a size where am healthy and it is managable...I get so down on my self when I give in to my cravings and feel like I am such a failure but then I look at what I have lost and mark it off as a bad day, go to bed and wake up ready to start again.
2) JULIA...boy is she ever like me. Right now we are struggling with the issue of TEETH. SHe needs a lot of work. She dosen't like the dentist but who really does. She hit her dentist when he went to put cotton gause in her mouth. She cries, sweats and hypervenalates...I feel so sorry for her...but it has to be done...she need one molar pulled and a few filled but with out x-rays they don't realy know so they we have schduled her at RVH to be put to sleep and the work to be done then. Every time I talk about it she cry and runs away...it is so heart breaking. She also has two loose teeth that should be out but she is scared to pull them out so they are starting to hurt and so it is a stuggle to brush her teeth...no one ever told me how heartbreaking being a mom could be I feel so helpless with this, not being able to take this pain and fear away from her....
3) JADE...Toilet Training, My last one to train! I really don't remember training Julia b/c I was pregnant with Jade and Wendy helped me out alot. So Jade goes to preschool for 2.5 hours and goes to it in underwear...and she stays dry but when I bring her home she likes to stay in the underwear but she will not tell me when she needs to go ...so that means I am always on edge and always have to have her around to watch her...then she really doesn't play well, I don't get anything done and then she ends up getting upset at me b/c I keep bugging her. The way I see it when she is ready she will tell me when she has to go and really...it doesn't bother me that she is in pull ups b/c she is still my "Baby"...but still it does stress me but I think it might be my problem b/c I am lazy in really buckling down and training her

Well, I think I am going to leave it at this right now...I do have more stuff that is wieghing heavy on my mind but maybe tomorrow.

Trying to Refocus

I really don't know why this is blog is called Trying to Refocus b/c if I look back on the last few weeks of my weight loss it has been a good few weeks with a 1.5, 3, and 2.5lb loss. That is making my total 21.5lbs! I am so excited.I don't know why when you hit 20lbs it feels like you have finally sucessed when each pound is a sucess! I have 5.5lbs till I reach my 10%.
But lately I have not been tracking what I have been eating, not drinking my water and just really not caring...but how did I have such a great weight loss, I don't know but it has made me realize that i kind of got off kind of easy at the scales. The scales have been working in my favor...but I thought to my self, you neve know when it is going to sneak up on you and on a week you really tried to stick to it I have gained. I don't want that to happen so...this week I am back to refocusing
A new week started yesterday...started the morning off great, but then we got a call from Brad's family and was told the flu was going around and the easter dinner was cancelled...that is fine but what was I going to do with the Oreo cheesecake in the fridge. It called my name...Anita served it when we were visiting and it was so good I could not wait to make it again. So after doing some yard work I sat down with a coffe and had a peice...oh it was so yummy...by the end of the day I had had another piece with Julia, for dinner we had steak and I also had a mini snack sandwich at Mc Donalds...Well there goes that day...
Well waking up this Saturday, getting ready for Niagara Falls I am starting fresh...looking forward to all the walking and some time with the family, I am going to try to stick to it or at least pick healthier meals and walk lots. One day at a time and one pound at a time...

Back to Routine...or so I thought

Well, I lucked out last week with dropping .5lbs. I can't say how it happened but I am taking it!
So here i thought it would be back to tracking, routine, and my normal eating girls in school but my body and my families bodies had another idea.
Friday night we went to bed.I wasn't feeling to well, but I chalked it up to being tired and I just rolled over and went to sleep. I woke up at 6am with such a sore stomach...oh no not the flu! I said to Brad that I wasn't well so he got up with the girls and I rolled over to sleep some more hoping I could sleep it off...nope I wasn't going to be able to keep anything down...just before I got sick brad came up saying Jade just got sick... it was true...the FLU was in our house.
I could remember the last time I was sick (puke sick) and it was 2 days before I had Julia... and it is not an nice feeling so I really was not looking forward to this...Knowing that Jade was sick downstairs with Brad and him being home all day kind of put my mind at ease and I knew I could be sick in bed all day and try to get better.
My "being sick" only lasted 1 l/2 hours and then I slept all day. I couldnt stop sleeping. I tryed going downstairs but it just made me more dizzy and sleepy.
I was finally able to force my self downstairs at 5pm to stay up and even have some oatmeal. It was so nice to be in bed at 8pm with Brad.
Jade was sick about 7x that day and then was good for the rest of the day. She slept well that night too with just abit of coughing.
Sunday was alot better. We went out for about 1 1/2hours just to get out of the house. Everything was good. Everyone was getting ready for bed...then it hit JULIA at 8pm and then BRAD at 12midnight... It was a long night...Julia up about 4x puking and Brad up every hour...Jade slept through it all. Julia was done at about 10pm and slept the rest of the night. Brad well as I write now, he is still in bed.
So there goes being back to routine on Monday...with both girls home, Brad in bed and me going on 4hours sleep.
Praise the Lord that Julia and Jade are back to their silly, arguing sisters and SO ready to go back to sleep. We also have been puke free for 7 hours.
And to find a bright side to all of this well I dropped 5lbs.
Well til tomorrow and here is hopping for a normal day!

Out of Routine

This week has not been the best week. I guess that can be alright b/c out of the 10 weeks on Weight Watchers this has been the hardest one yet. I am thinking b/c the girls are home for march break and that the time change has changed thier bed time routine and sleeping in habits, everything that keeps me on track has gone out the window.
Anyone that knows me knows that I love my routine and love to be organized. I didn't really notice how much my eating habits depended on it too. Everything runs so much smoother if it is in my day planner or written down somewhere.
I haven't tracked anything I have eaten. I have tried to keep track of it intay my head but by 4 o'clock, I loose track and throw it out the window and kind of start munching.
I love to keep busy. Walking around stores, visiting, surfing around the internet, and even just sitting and enjoying a nice cup of coffee. With being busy I stay out of the kitchen and I stay on track. But with the kids home we are in and out of the kitchen with snacks, baking, cleaning up after the kids and sometimes I seem to be in the kitchen all day which makes me snack.
But if I try to find something good out of the last few days is that this life style change has been a good one and something I love and love to stick with. Sometimes I find myself checking the nutritional value and watching my portion size b.c I WANT to know not just b/c I have too. I also find with dining out with the kid durning the march break I have been choicing better food for me and I put alot more thought into what I put into my mouth.
I kind of have enjoyed being "off" the diet for a few days but I am really looking back to my routine, even if it is predictable.

Quick Update

Weighed in last Thursday...to my surprised I was down 1.5lbs. I was so excited! What a great feeling. I was able to enjoy my Friday and Saturday away.
Looking forward to being back on track on Sunday.

Thursday...

Today is the day that we weigh in...a day that I look forward to and see the outcomeof the week, but then there is that part of me that doesn't want to go -thinking back at some of the things I ate and maybe shouldn't of. I think, it will e alright if I gain b/c Friday is a start to a whole new week, new flex points, a clean slate and excited to try harder.
It is pretty funny how I can find excuses on why I didn't lose..."It was my time of the month", "I was kind of stressed and I eat when I am stresses". " I was busy", or even " I just didn't care this week".
But this week wasn't like that. It was a change for me but I was thinking more positive and was actually proud of myself and wasn't putting myself down... This past Monday my sister and I took my Mom out for her birthday for breakfast at the Sunset Grill. I looked online for nutritional value on the food to prepare and figure out what I could have. They didn't have any values but I did find a "light Breakfast" menu. As much as I wanted the french toast with Whip Cream or the Greek Omelette with homefries, I chose the one egg, 2 slices of toast and a bowl of fruit. Now on paper it all looked great and I was ready to go...but when I get to a restaurant, reasoning goes out the window and I give in. But for some reason I stood by my choice and ordered what I planned on. It was so good and satisfying. I walked out of the restaurant feeling full and satisfied. I was so proud of myself.
I did the same thing yesterday when I was out with Jade for lunch...It would of been nice to have a chicken burger but I ordered the yogurt parfiat and loved it. Now I was a bit hungery when I got home but I enjoyed a big bowl of chili and enjoyed having cheese with it b/c I didn't blow it at lunch.
Now I can chalk it up to it was just a good week or I could really say and believe that I am getting a bit more willpower and my eyes are shrinking as my stomach shrinks.
I think when I weigh in tonight that even if I don't loose I can still pat myself on the back and stay I had a great week. I learned something. I HAVE THE POWER TO SUCESSED AT THIS! ONE POUND AT A TIME AND ONE STEP AT A TIME.