As I sit down this afternoon to blog I realize that today has been a pretty good day. But in the last week things seem to be clouding my mind and covering the things I can be thankful for. Trying to figure sort through all my thoughts and make sense of them sometimes can be overwhelming. But here they are as best as I can describe them.
1)My weight...I know, have and always will struggled with this issue. 75% of the time is really dosen't bother me and I don't think of it.I joined WW and have stuck to it this time and am very happy with the results. But on those bad days...I am so ready to throw the towel in and head to the Bulk Barn and buy everything sweet and sit in my room and indulge. I hate having to watch my wieght. This isn't fun or even fair. Do I want to be skinny? No not really. I don't think I will ever be but I do want to be healthy. I am not trying to reach that "skinny" wieght but I just want to reach a size where am healthy and it is managable...I get so down on my self when I give in to my cravings and feel like I am such a failure but then I look at what I have lost and mark it off as a bad day, go to bed and wake up ready to start again.
2) JULIA...boy is she ever like me. Right now we are struggling with the issue of TEETH. SHe needs a lot of work. She dosen't like the dentist but who really does. She hit her dentist when he went to put cotton gause in her mouth. She cries, sweats and hypervenalates...I feel so sorry for her...but it has to be done...she need one molar pulled and a few filled but with out x-rays they don't realy know so they we have schduled her at RVH to be put to sleep and the work to be done then. Every time I talk about it she cry and runs away...it is so heart breaking. She also has two loose teeth that should be out but she is scared to pull them out so they are starting to hurt and so it is a stuggle to brush her teeth...no one ever told me how heartbreaking being a mom could be I feel so helpless with this, not being able to take this pain and fear away from her....
3) JADE...Toilet Training, My last one to train! I really don't remember training Julia b/c I was pregnant with Jade and Wendy helped me out alot. So Jade goes to preschool for 2.5 hours and goes to it in underwear...and she stays dry but when I bring her home she likes to stay in the underwear but she will not tell me when she needs to go ...so that means I am always on edge and always have to have her around to watch her...then she really doesn't play well, I don't get anything done and then she ends up getting upset at me b/c I keep bugging her. The way I see it when she is ready she will tell me when she has to go and really...it doesn't bother me that she is in pull ups b/c she is still my "Baby"...but still it does stress me but I think it might be my problem b/c I am lazy in really buckling down and training her
Well, I think I am going to leave it at this right now...I do have more stuff that is wieghing heavy on my mind but maybe tomorrow.
The wedding was a little bit different. Every wedding I have been at has always been a dutch CRC wedding...the structure of the whole day is always the same. This one was very different. It started at 5pm at the Banquet Hall. The reception began right after it. There was no music until the brides maids came down...no ushers, no unity candle...I don't even think it was a minister that married them but just an officiator...What i realized though is something that I kind of took for granted. The wedding ceremony had no mention of God. All the weddings I go to have that foundation. As nice as the wedding was, it kind of felt empty...no hope. Knowing that we have God part of our marriage gives us a foundation and something we can build our marriage on and a true example of what marriage is. I feel so blessed to have this. 
